Maxine's 1st day at Wal-mart

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,a good find for many retirees,I lasted less than a day......

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,

Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,

'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?

Are you blind, or just stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work .

Maxine -vs- Martha

We all know the lovable and all too true, Maxine. Well now we'll hear her answers to some of Martha Stewart's Tips. This was just too cute, I had to share it!

Martha: "Stuff miniature marshmellows at the bottom of an
ice cream cone to keep it from dripping."

Maxine: "Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake!

You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!

Martha:"To keep potatoes from budding,

place an apple in the bag with the potatoes."

Maxine: "Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix.

Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha: "When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan,

use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any

white mess on the outside of the cake."

Maxine: "Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!

Martha: "If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking,

drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an

instant 'fix-me-up.'"

Maxine: "If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad.

Please recite with me the real woman's motto:

'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'"

Martha: "Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the

refrigerator and it will keep for weeks."

Maxine: "Celery? Never heard of it!"

Martha: "Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before

baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish."

Maxine: "The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do

not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't."

Martha: "Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and

rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away."

Maxine: "Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

All your pains go away!"

Martha: "If you have a problem opening jars, try using

latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip

grip that makes opening jars easy.."

Maxine: "Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you."

Martha: "Don't throw out all that leftover wine.

Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces."

Maxine: "Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!"

An Alarming Video that all Westerner's should watch

The Bible tells us that this sort of thing will happen in the end days. If you are a Christian, then you do not need to worry, because we already know that the Lord is victorious, but I also think that we should not walk around blind, but know what is going on in the world around us. Please watch this video and be aware of what President Obama is trying to have friendly relations with. Doesn't seem so friendly to me.